(Inside of what appears to be the food court of a mall, many people stand around what appears to be a stage that has been set up. After a few moments, the lights dim, and a man steps out on stage.)Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen..The moment you've been waiting for! Please welcome Supreme Wrestling superstar..Heather DiRocco!
(Heather DiRocco steps out onto the stage, waving to the crowd that has gathered. Thanking the announcer, she takes the microphone from his hand, then smiles to the crowd.)
Heather: Now..I'm sure all of you know me from Supreme Wrestling, right? Sure, the whole wrestling gig and all that. Now, I love wrestling..It's my life. And I always thought that it was that one thing I'd be good at. Then..It hit me. Why can't I be good at two things? So..After searching long and hard..I think I found it. Comedy. Wrestling and comedy..A weird mix. You know..I can't really body-slam an opponent to the mat, then expect them to laugh at a joke. Though, I'll tell you..The people on the airplane here were great! But..What is up with airline food?
(The crowd just stares at her blankly. She smiles nervously a moment, but continues.)
Heather: Right. Well..So, I flew in, right? I'm sure you're all expecting me to say 'And boy, are my arms tired!'..But I won't. I flew on an airplane..Duh. I just didn't know plains could fly. I mean, did the indians know this? What about the Great Plains? What makes them so great? Can they fly faster?
(Once again, it's so quiet that you could hear a cricket chirping. ..And oddly enough, one does.)
Heather: ..Geez..Tough crowd. Well..So, I'm sure you all know about the match I have coming up this week, right? I'm teamed up with Jake Lyon against Dante Romano and Dravenhart Nosrenda. Now, I don't know about our opponents..But man, Jake sure is something, eh? I mean, I wouldn't mind if he turned and pinned me, if you know what I'm saying..
(..The silence is deafening. So much, in fact, that one member of the crowd runs out, holding his ears and screaming in pain.)
Heather: What was that guy's problem? So..Take my wife. No, please, do. I don't even know how she got here, because I don't swing that way. I definitely like my men. Preferably with a car. One of those speedy, fast ones, too..you know? If a friend ever asked what my favorite thing about my man was, I could say 'His car..Obviously.'
(By this time, the crowd has began muttering their disaproval. Heather frowns.)
Heather: ...A horse walked into a bar, right? The bartender asked: '..What are you doing in my bar? You're a horse. Get out.'
(Again, nothing. Heather begins to get nervous.)
Heather: ..A dyslexic walked into a bra?
(Someone actually laughs...Or so it sounds like it. Heather smiles for a second..but realizes it was just someone with a strange-sounding cough.)
Heather: Well..I, uh, guess that's all. You've been a..great crowd? Well..Catch me on Warfare, as Jake and I take on Dante and Dravenhart. I'm sure going to give it my all, and I know Jake will..So it should be quite a match. Uh..Later, all?
(She quickly walks off the stage, finding the announcer.)
Heather: ..I really don't think they liked me. To be honest..whoever wrote this sucks.
Announcer: I wrote it, so it's great. Besides, you were hilarious! The crowd loved you..honestly! They were just..laughing so hard they couldn't make a sound!
Heather: ...Right. I'm..going to go train for my match.
Announcer: Alright. Don't forget your gig next Tuesday!
(Heather waves half-heartedly, then scurries for the exit as the camera fades to black.)
Rimshot, Please?